Turned a groupie to an angel when she 8, 7, 6, 5

I feel like a ghost of myself. This skin, the tattoos, this body, this voice, this mind, these thoughts. They're not mine at all and I've known this for the passed 11 months. I've tried so hard to be stable and not crumble with the fact that those things had happened and those words were already said, that I've ended up killing myself. Only my body's here and I've been dead for almost a year already.